Happily Ever Afters Are For Hussies
by Imperio-youloveme
Summary: One would later ask anyone with a conscious mind how in Buddha's name had Jacob Black gotten someone like Leah Clearwater to agree to go out on a date with him.


**I do not own anything.**

_**Happily Ever Afters Are For Hussies**_

If there was one thing Leah hated were clichés. She knew from the beginning of her time that Cinderella was not real. She had, in fact, told her mother when she was three years of age that Cinderella was a scam (not that Leah remembered ever saying that, but she liked to think she was an opinionated three year old).

By the time Leah was five the only 'princess' she remotely liked was Mulan. She was the only girl in the whole children's folk tale franchise that didn't need saving. Leah wanted to be like that. At that time, Leah had promptly told her mother that she would be somebody's Prince Charming one day. It's safe to say Sue Clearwater stopped buying Leah any colors that were not pink.

In retrospect, there was never anything wrong with wanting to be the boy in the relationship when Leah was five. May be that was why she went out with Sam in the first place. That boy did not know how to grow a pair, and, Leah thinks, if it weren't for the fact that she had done the dirty with him, and he had, in fact, imprinted on a woman, Leah would've assumed that Sam was of homosexual tendencies.

By the time Leah was eighteen, heartbroken, and still living at home without an income, a job, or a boyfriend to talk about she knew she would be left to live at her mother's house, with a stag little brother, and about twenty cats (not that that would happen).

And then she was a giant werewolf, Sam was in her head emphasizing that she was a freak, and her father was dead. It took a lot of screaming, thrashing, and the breaking of things before Leah finally came to terms with what was going on. She liked to think Sam-The-Almost-Homo did not help at all.

That was that. Leah Clearwater was now sterile (she tried to tell herself she never liked children anyway), 6'2, muscular (she was _NOT_ complaining about that), and a bitter harpy (she enjoyed that a _little_ too much).

Her little brother followed right after her, and the little bugger took the whole "wolfy" situation way to easily for Leah's liking. She had even caught him admiring himself in the hallway mirror after his sudden growth spurt-a "wolfy" side effect. Leah supposed that was Seth for everyone. He always looked at the bright side of _everything_-Leah secretly thought the poor boy had been dropped on his head while still a baby. That would certainly explain why he always insisted on the _Disney Channel _instead of _Spike_, or some other equally testosterone guided channel.

Leah's life was turned around right about the time when she had come to terms that The Muffin Witch was really going to marry the Alpha Wannabe (previously known as Sam-The-Almost-Homo) and there was nothing she could do about it except throw a candle aimed at Sam's head-the first thing on hand she found-and shout a way too enthusiastic congratulations.

The Mind Raper had impregnated fragile Bella and Leah was given a choice: follow her probably stupid little brother and cry baby Jacob, or stay with Alpha Wannabe and his thoughts of Emily writhing beneath him-Leah swore she threw up a little when Sam had accidentally let that image slip.

Leah was then reduced to play yard dog for the stupid bloodsuckers, one of who couldn't keep it in his pants. It wasn't that bad, Leah would later admit in the dark when she knew nobody would hear her murmured musings. She got free all-you-can-eat steaks from Momma-Vampire, Jacob had made her Beta (better than nothing, she figured), and she no longer threw up a little in her mouth every time Sam would let his mind slip.

Long story short, Jacob imprinted on the hybrid…_thing _and Leah, who by then had considered Jacob as maybe, possibly, but not really, a good candidate for a boyfriend was left with either Bill from the grocery store in Forks or the guy from First Beach who gave her his phone number after a rather heated volleyball game in which she had whooped his rear to the ground as the next best candidates. Leah decided she didn't like either of them…they weren't dark, handsome, and taller than her-she liked her heels!

The _thing _fully grew up by the time she would've been eight years old, and Leah was more into her Alpha. She would never admit that last part to anyone, but it was ok to day dream from time to time, Leah told herself reassuringly. As long as Jacob didn't find out, Leah was content with bantering with him, pushing him playfully, and laughing for the first time since Sam-The-Almost-Homo had broken her beyond-she thought back then-repair.

Jacob ruined that right away too. Leah knew she should've seen the ending of her almost happily ever after. Because, after all, Leah Clearwater was never meant to have a happy life.

"I can't do it." Jacob confessed to Leah one day while both of them were sitting by the edge of the river that marked the line between vampire and werewolf territory. They were, of course, on the vampire side, much to Leah's gusto.

"Do what, Jake? Speak clearly here. I can't read that big head of yours when we're in human form, remember stupid?" Leah said, and Jake knew that was the Leah way of asking what was wrong.

"Love Renesmee. I can't…she's not _her_. You know what I mean?" He ran a nervous hand through his rapidly growing black hair.

"No. I don't know. I'm not into chicks, Jake." Sarcasm, Leah knew, was always the right answer. Jake laughed.

"Sure, sure. But seriously, Lee, I feel like Edward and Bella, _especially_ Bella, expect me to sweep their daughter off her feet and marry her, but I can't see that happening. Not with Renesmee, at least."

"She's your imprint, Jake…" That was all Leah could come up as an argument, and Jacob sighed.

"I know, but what tells you I can't break it? You know, Edward mentioned that they would have to move soon, and I just thought I would miss Renesmee immensely, but I wouldn't die. I knew I would be alright because I would have you. My beta, my best friend." Jacob looked Leah in the eye, wiling her to understand something that wasn't said.

"Don't go all mushy on me, now, Black." Leah said mildly, breaking the eye contact to stare at the grey water streaming past her.

"God! Leah. Can't you just stop being you for a second and just listen! I'm trying to tell you that my imprint is falling apart and all you can tell me is to not get the words I've bottled up inside of me for a long time out? What are you, heartless?"

"I don't know. You tell me, Black. I seem to recall a time when you couldn't pass the opportunity to call me heartless and a bitch along with the idiots that we used to call brothers!" Both were standing toe to toe now, shaking violently, nose flaring, and staring each other down (Jacob had to angle his neck at an impossible looking angle to be able to go down to her size).

"That's not what I'm saying! I'm merely telling you that Renesmee is nothing to me, probably has been nothing to me for a long time, and that may be I like you, and you sit here and tell me to cut the crap? Really, Leah? How stupider can you get?"

"Stupid? Jacob Black, you cannot go around telling girls that you like them without being faced with the fact that may be that girl doesn't just like you, but has fallen in love with you slowly, but surely."

Jacob and Leah stared at each other, still partially shaking. It was Jacob who spoke first. "Oh."

"Right. Let's get out of this forest, and never speak of this again." Leah said crisply, and stomped her way into the surrounding trees, towards the Cullen hose.

She was yanked from the arm by the warm hand of her Alpha. "I want to speak of this again."

"Well, I don't, Jake. I want to just forget this and pretend this never, ever, happened." Leah said this in a voice that left no argument to be made.

Leah started walking again, and Jacob followed behind her, a frown on his lips.

Two weeks later found Jacob and Leah watching a horror movie in Port Angeles, followed by three cones of ice cream (Leah dropped the first one 'accidentally' on the blonde bimbo subtly flirting with Jacob), and a ride home.

One would later ask anyone with a conscious mind how in Buddha's name had Jacob Black gotten someone like Leah Clearwater to agree to go out on a date with him.

From there on, Leah came as close to her happily ever after as she knew she would. She was certainly not the Prince Charming in the relationship (stupid Jacob wouldn't let her punch Sam, yet he could punch the Alpha Wannabe all he wanted), and she was certainly not Cinderella.

Sue Clearwater had cried tears of joy when word around La Push had gone around that her daughter was dating a boy who was not rumored to have homosexual tendencies. She hugged her daughter, but mostly Jacob, and had made Jacob smirk in amusement as Sue gave Leah…"pointers" for when her and Jacob found themselves alone. Leah was then teased for weeks on end when Jacob let it slip that the she-wolf had blushed to the roots of her pretty black hair.

Leah would later on in life turn back the pages of her memory while Jacob would lay his head on her stomach on lazy Sunday afternoons, and discover that her life wasn't as perfect as she would have liked to think. The stupid clichés kept happening in her life, and that bothered her…she later on found out that she was pregnant, and decided that maybe she would let that last one go as an-almost-but-not-really cliché. After all Cinderella never really had a sex life.

**I was merely seeing things from Leah's POV so don't think what was written is what I really feel about the characters...although I do hate Emily...and Sam...and Bella, and Edward, and Renesmee. Seriously, Jacob would've been better off with awesome and cool Leah...and Seth is not stupid, but Leah seems to think he is.**


End file.
